VIDEO: Setting Time for Self-Care

Posted on by Tammy

Do you take time each week for self-care? Do you even know what self-care actually is?

We get so caught up in our daily lives — taking care of family and kids, working, volunteering and taking care of everyone around us, but the majority of us completely neglect ourselves.

In this week’s video, I explain what self-care is, ways and examples to nurture yourself, and I pose a self-care challenge for you. Try and report back to me with your results!

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Top Five Side Effects of Extreme Self-Love

Posted on by Tammy

By Keri Nola, MA, LMHC

I’m often speaking, writing, teaching and practicing all things “self-love,” including ways to do it and what happens if and when we don’t. However, it recently occurred to me that I have never talked about the side effects of embarking on the self-loving journey. Before making a potentially life-altering decision, it’s always responsible to consider the possible impacts such a choice can have on our lives. If you are ready to make an informed decision about filling your self-love prescription then read on…

Warning: Always consult your inner wisdom before choosing to engage in self-loving behavior. Some side effects of extreme self-love may not be reported, but most commonly people under the influence of self-love have reported the following…

5. Increased feelings of Joy. How can we not be joyous when we’re loving ourselves!? If feeling joyful becomes overwhelming, consult your inner self-soothing department and take a deep breath, reminding yourself that you are worthy of infinite joy!

4. Decreased experience of chaos and conflict in personal and professional relationships. We’re often so accustomed to chaos and conflict that when it goes away, we can freak out a bit and even begin to recreate it. If your self-love prescription leaves you waiting for the drama, pause, breathe, and know this too shall pass as you spend some time in your “new chaos-free normal.”

3. Increased experience of peace, calm and relief. Watch out, folks … this side effect can really throw us for a loop! Do we even know what to do with ourselves when we are peaceful, calm and relieved? The good news is, you can get used to it, if you’re willing to let yourself. When you notice this side effect, consider leaning in and allowing peace and calm to fill the nooks and crannies of your experience.

2. Increased productivity and prosperity. Yup! You read correctly. Are you willing to give up self-judgment in exchange for increased productivity and prosperity? The truth is, we are all love, so when we align ourselves with that which we are, then we are able to welcome increased abundance as we remember that we deserve every bit of it. Don’t rely on my word though … try it for yourself!

1. Extreme forgiving and loving others. As we love ourselves, we realize we are one with others, and it would be incongruent to love and accept ourselves but not others. Beware that those you may have struggled to love and forgive before may soon be receiving your pardon. Choosing to love and forgive doesn’t mean we agree with what has or hasn’t happened, or what we perceive others to have done or not done. It simply means we agree to free ourselves and others from the past so we can be present now.

**This is not a complete list of side effects and many others may occur. In the event of a self-love overdose, beware of miracles and call on your highest self to celebrate as you express gratitude and appreciation.

Keri Nola is author of “A Year on Your Path to Growth: Daily Inspirations to Reconnect with Your Soul,” and founder of Path to Growth LLC, a Central Florida-based integrative healing center that blends traditional and holistic techniques for journeys to peace. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Nola provides psychotherapy and facilitates therapeutic retreats for those seeking to reconnect with their inner wisdom, particularly after trauma or loss. She also offers heart-inspired business consultations for healthcare professionals. For more information visit www.pathtogrowth.com, on Facebook and Twitter @pathtogrowth.

NOTE: Picture of Keri Nola by Monica Alfonso

Cultivating a “Self”-Centered Life

Posted on by Tammy

By Keri Nola, LMHC

I think most of us are familiar with the common analogy used during the airplane safety talk that says something like: “Parents, in the event of an emergency, put the oxygen mask on yourself first and then on your child.”

The question is do we actually apply this sentiment to our everyday lives? How often are we agreeing to help another person when we have yet to help ourselves? This is a topic I help my clients explore on a regular basis (and truthfully often visit for myself as well). Aren’t we trained to believe being self-centered is a bad thing? I think many of us would rather be accused of any number of things before being called self-centered, which we likely feel implies something painfully horrific. Would you agree?

It’s been a long journey, and I am here to come out of the closet as a self- care junkie – a new approach to being “self”-centered. Hi my name is Keri and I am “self”-centered. There, I said it. I make it a priority to take care of me first so that when I commit to supporting others, I know I will be able to be fully present and available in my relationships with them.

Curious about how you can shift your perspective on the definition of “self”-centered and cultivate a lifestyle that decreases resentment and increases joy? Here are some tips for cultivating “self” centered living:

1. Decide to choose YOU – Realize others are generally going to take what they can get from you, so if you need a break, YOU have to be the one to take it. This includes our roles as partners, parents, friends, siblings, employees, family members, etc. Choosing YOU is one of the kindest things you can do for your relationships because it allows you to show up completely when you agree to do so.

2. Remember YOU are worth taking care of – Most of our caretaking behaviors originate from our fear of being unworthy of such compassion and peace. When we remember our worth, we make choices congruent with this belief, and we choose ourselves with ease.

3. Practice saying NO – Did you know that “No” is a complete sentence? Yup! It doesn’t require fluff or justification. Just give yourself permission to answer with “No” when that is your authentic response to a request.

4. Prepare for attempted guilt trips – Our loved ones are used to us interacting with them the way we always have. When we make a change like becoming more “self”-centered, it shifts the dynamic of our relationships and people often consciously or unconsciously make attempts to get us to shift back to how it’s always been. Be aware of this possibility and continue to give yourself permission to choose you. When you come up against resistance from others, I recommend saying something like, “I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with my decision to take care of myself in this way right now. Our relationship is very important to me so I am committed to being honest about what I am and am not able to do, as you make requests of me.”

5. Remember the rewards. Being “self”-centered has the potential to generate tremendous rewards within ourselves and our relationships. When we say “yes,” but mean “no,” that energy blocks the flow of genuine love between us and welcomes resentment. So when it gets hard to choose yourself versus someone else’s needs, remember self-sacrifice is actually one of the least compassionate things we can do in a relationship. It may feel good in the moment, but it is a breeding ground for disconnection and inauthentic relating in the long run.

Here’s to stepping out of our “self”-centered closets and recommitting to living authentically!